I am sick and mucous-y.
Gross :/
I hope I will get better by evening time today. An awesomely glamorous dinner coming up and Halloween at ACM soon after.
Tomorrow will be my NDI meeting. I enjoy being part of it 
much more than teaching actually. So should I just persist and get a certification in teaching… and then join an NGO/humanitarian group?
Hmm but I so want to do research and teach at a higher level. Let’s hope I get transferred to a Junior College and that my “non-educational” Masters will be subsidized. Hmm is the 4 year bond worth it? Ah yes I know there will be a nice monthly salary…. But I will miss out in relevant work experiences. This is getting kind of scary. Ah dilemmas.
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I detest nonsensical questions and comments by teachers. For instance, “What is your school profiling?” (Why would I care?) and to talk incessantly about a particular student or school related topic. Like hello, I have a life!
Maybe I just hate repetitions and questions that are just being asked for the sake of being asked. Maybe I just feel that they are stupid. So I will just pretend to listen and then nod slightly… or pretend that I am going to fall asleep or am so preoccupied with doing a certain thing.
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Lies are necessary.
Imagine if you have lost your job and the doctor diagnosed you with a terminal disease… (Ah yes too dramatic) and that you have 2 small children and one more coming up. You definitely will lie for a while to your wife and pretend all is fine… hmm so they are called white lies? Telling a lie for the greater good sort…
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I had a chat with Ben some time ago. It seems that extroverts are more valued in this capitalistic society. In most job scopes, they would rather have someone who is outgoing and able to communicate effectively with others. Have great social networking skills. In a sense, introverts are inferior… aloof and unfriendly… when actually I feel they just have a different way of working…
I used to be really quiet in primary school… I daydream a lot… it lessened just a little bit in secondary school (because then I learnt how to be extremely bitchy and sarcastic). I supposed I realized that I need a major change in my personality – to become more extroverted…. So that I can achieve better things and be seen more favorably. My friends in poly and university would definitely think I am extroverted (but not of the extreme kind).
However nowadays, I am going back to my introverted self… I enjoy my own company… and doing my own research online…
Hmm but now with technology such as msn and facebook, even introverts can be seen as lively… they give individuals time to think about their responses… less immediate and less spontaneous. So I suppose a redefinition is needed.
And now the purple dusk of twilight time
Steals across the meadows of my heart
High up in the sky the little stars climb
Always reminding me that were apart
You wander down the lane and far away
Leaving me a song that will not die
Love is now the stardust
Of yesterday
The music
Of the years
Gone by
Sometimes I wonder why I spend
The lonely nights
Dreaming of a song.
The melody haunts my reverie
And I am once again with you.
When our love was new, and each kiss an inspiration.
But that was long ago, and now my consolation
Is in the stardust of a song.
Beside the garden wall, when stars are bright
You are in my arms
The nightingale tells his fairy tale
Of paradise where roses grew.
Though I dream in vain, in my heart you will remain
My stardust melody
The memory of loves refrain.
i enjoy googling my name 
a search list will come up of the stuff i did in the past. heh.
and also updates on what people may be quoting or talking about me.
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played the ABCs of countries with the untrained teacher. so enlightening and was actually fun!
that has been in my mind throughout this morning. if only we could get them connected. alas, there will be network/connection problems as well as the high cost of the phones. the poor’s lives will definitely be much better if they have this technology.
nevertheless… there will be similar issues to that the urbanites are facing – radiation from the phones. and that… i foresee that even if they have phones, they will be the basic type, with limited functions… and may even be slightly faulty… require a certain degree of maintenance.
hmm… my suggestion was to have a mobile phone donation drive in Singapore… then we bring these phones over to a rural village in Indonesia to be use… select some trustworthy villagers to set up a small business… of renting out these mobile phones… along with a prepaid card sort of business… they can even have 3 sharing one phone or be charged according to the amount of usage.
Definitely not easy, too many little details to ponder over. However, if it works… it will be quite excellent
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i wish i could do this as a primary career (humanitarian stuff) instead of teaching, for the rest of my life. yes of course, i am still considering. teaching brings in great income and benefits.
if you ask me to compare who is more “deserving” of education… i would definitely say children from rural villages. Singaporean kids are simply too pampered… that does make them quite endearing… however at the same time, i wished they could swap places.
Therefore, I have to tell myself to stop comparing. A person’s value is not for me to judge.
It is not about me having no strong standards and opinions of my own… I will have my own biases in my responses and make my own judgments, that cannot be helped because I am a mere human… but to judge too harshly, emotionally and recklessly can be quite suicidal (not only for you but others as well).
However, there will or rather, must always be a certain list of standards that I adhere to. The most basic is to not be mean to others.
ah karma, things will get back at you somehow in the future.
this includes, even if you were bullied in the past, does not mean you have to return back that mean-ness and be cruel to others. i think that, knowing and experiencing how bad someone else may hurt you and that you do something similar to another person… is an extremely horrid behavior. i detest such individuals… who knows, yet still do the act. horrid beings.
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hmmm… bitching, bullying and teasing. it maybe fun for a while… but it can get pretty serious if one does not know how to draw a line.
Why do human beings enjoy hurting the other? Such sadism.
Why do we select the people we want to be kind towards and not choose to be kind to all?
Why do we never ponder over how our actions may affect others?
WHY WHY WHY? The lack of compassion and humanity itself. It disgusts me.
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I was from a girls’ school, so I am quite accepting of lesbianism and girls being affectionate towards one another. My classmates and I constantly held hands, hugged and wrote postcards to encourage one another. It boosts your ego and makes you feel belonged. We genuinely cared (and still care) for the other.
I guess it is easier for society to accept lesbianism, rather than males who are effeminate (or homosexuals… being effeminate for males or boisterous and tough for females, do not mean you are a homosexual… you can be a girly girl and be a homosexual… or a manly boy and be a homosexual…. homosexuality is based on your sexual desires).
Do you know that for a while, I desired to have a best friend who is a male and quite effeminate? Because I figure I can have the best of both worlds… these extremely special individuals are able to think like both males and females… for me, being “fixed” into only one gender category… is in a sense, quite “inferior” and boring as compared to them.
I have to admit as well, I am rather curious about them – their daily thoughts and feelings… and of course, the discriminations. Ah, such a sad world. People are too judgmental and hard on the other. Sickos.
I realized I came from such a sheltered and pampered background, that whatever bizarre things happened in Holy Innocents, I will take a while to digest and look with much amusement and curiosity (not disdain). It is so entertaining how these little ones behave and respond to you. The kinds of mischief they get into. The world of ignorance and bliss they live in… or maybe I should be more diplomatic and state it as, carefree-ness.
Nevertheless, with that said… only a handful will be expected to achieve “brilliance” (as defined by our paper chasing society). True, not all are able to cope with a formal education and will have to find alternative paths. However, I feel, that does not make them any less brilliant.
My heart do lament though… wishing they would sooner realized the inadequacies they have put themselves in and somehow have the initiative to ask for some sort of guidance to push their way out and forward. That is not impossible. Our world can be quite merciless. If they do not start now, they can be stuck there forever.
Perhaps in a way, I am being elitist. In my defense, I would say that… I have been there and pretty much figured how things work. I was fortunate enough to receive my education in a wholesome, almost untainted, I would dare to say, environment.
Hmm… or perhaps I am just being made to believe I have received a “perfect” education by some higher authorities up there… ah propaganda. They lure you to devote yourself into a certain way of believing and seeing things. So now I am simply imposing my “right and proper” values upon them.
I contradict myself a lot don’t I? I love that J
Then again, we humans need some form of belief system to survive. Else, the whole world goes mad. I am a thinking and intellectual adult, therefore I trust my instincts… no matter how flawed… I wonder if it is alright to shout out loud (arrogantly perhaps) and claim that whatever I think is right, should be right and hence, others should comply with them.
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I cannot be part of a system that I do not wholeheartedly believe in.
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NDI. Ughhh I have not done my research proper yet!
But I am enjoying it J it is quite fun to churn out papers and read up on research projects, after so long of not doing that.
I dislike it when some teachers feel that they have a certain favorite class. I suppose this may be due to my own personal experience – my form teacher in Sec 3, treated us rather shabbily. He was overly strict with us for no reason and preferred his previous class. During Sports Day, rather than spending time with us to bond, he chose to sit with his previous class. Anyway, he left my school soon after. He always tell us stories of how during his University days, he spend his time looking/stalking/ogling at girls… he was trying to be the “alpha” male in an all girls’ school and had a rather chauvinistic attitude. Fortunately, he miserably failed. I suppose he did not take time to know us better and allowed us to detest him. He has become so insignificant (worthless, even) in my database of memories, that I cannot even remember his name!
True, some classes can give you hell as compared to others. Nevertheless, it does not justify you stereotyping them to be a certain way. Your values are not universal values, nor are your tastes and likings.
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I think for now, I will stick to my plans. It is good to have several options. It is better to know what you want but ah well, let’s enjoy the simple pleasures in its full entirety first.
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People can be rather harsh on others. A friendly smile is always expected; else you will be deemed as arrogant or worse, a prude! Joker has no problem in that. He literally has a smile carved. Ah all these public relations. So pretentious.
People are always worried about how others think of them… their reputation, image and what-nots. I am lying if I say I don’t. Hmm… but I only am bothered if all these “others” are people who are important to me, else I take all other people as a hi-bye sort of acquaintances. Something like the wind, you enjoy the cool breeze while it lasted… you may miss it sometimes… but if it is not there, it is not the end of the world.
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I am in the committee for National Development Initiative. Will update more about it in the future. Basically we are sort of the visionaries (those who do research and make plans, feel so like the intellect!) for the next humanitarian trip (in July), partnering up, perhaps with Mercy Relief. I joined it just for the sheer fun, interacting and helping others. Ah bliss!
I wonder what the heck “post exam activities” will be like. They should just send the students home to have frivolous fun. Ah silly.
anyway a video of a conservationist getting “shagged” by a male bird:
anyway talking about youtube, feel it contains plenty of semi-porn or soft porn!
and so before i begin marking again…
to date, 4 people have told me i looked like someone they know. do i have such a common face, i wonder sometimes.
one was i look like a certain malaysian actress (i do not even know who she is! anyway, as long as she is pretty)
two was i look like drew barrymore.
three was i look like a friend’s ex-gf who had a terminal disease and passed away.
fourth was i look like a colleague’s daughter.
ah yeps, let’s go back to marking now…
