smurfs are penis sized

hahaha! to read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_17129_7-badass-cartoon-villains-who-lost-retarded-heroes.html

makes you wonder, how the hell these bouncey bubbly “heroes” managed to defeat scary villains… so retarded yea… and we were so naive back then…

blind

make thee blind
for then the sight’s clearer

unblemished untainted
by seductive colors

 

in darkness thee lay
with unseeing eyes

feeling a myriad of
glittering heavenly lights

cascading through
the temptress’ black veil

the softness of a lie
pliable into many truths

nothing’s completely unseen
when everything’s already foretold

a graduate (yet again)

i feel that ngee ann poly’s graduation certification looks more valuable and professionally done as compared to nus’… but i enjoy the smaller and cosier settings for nus (balloons, superb speeches, making faces/cheering for strangers).

ah yes, was sick. always fall sick during “crucial” moments such as graduation.

overall it was quite fabulous. my cousin is the coolest – i think she is the overall events coordinator – she instructed professional photographers to take my pictures, got 4 VIP tickets for my family, got me the stage pictures for zero dollars! ah… the perks!

hmm… such “sisterly” acts are almost non-existent in my life. i wished my own sister was not always so selfish and preoccupied with her own needs. i cannot recall a single moment where… she had actually pampered me so sad.  ah yes, there were birthday gifts and outings… yet most of the time is about getting suck into HER problems and getting blamed/seeing others getting blamed if they disagree with her iam so sad.

ah well, nevermind. my mum, dad, bik yah and ehsan were my VIP guests i love them all! and thanks to bik mas who lent us her car for the day… i could see that my dad was really happy that he got to drive once again. he loves to drive… a comfort and relaxing zone for him. he is a superb driver and i think, he knows it… we went to sent bik yah home, then siglap mosque to pray…. then all the way to changi village to eat… sent ehsan to pasir ris camp to do his visa thingy… then sent him back him… stopped over at esso to get sickly me panadol… then sent me home… they went on to fetch my grandparents to visit my granduncle and grandaunt at telok blangah… like WOW right!

i am not really in the mood to blog about much details on my graduation.

i suppose i feel a little empty… something like… okay then, “so what’s next?”

to pursue something that you are really passionate about is not always easy. not everyone has the means/chance/choice to step back from life and reflect… not everyone gets to fulfil their original dreams… most have obligations and the constant pressure to perform in a desirable way, based on expectations of others.

i suppose there is a reason why dreams are called dreams… they are just a list of standards, not really meant to be fulfilled… yet we hope… we plant beautiful flowers around them… we glorify them…

ah cynical, i am? nah, just realistic.

reminder to myself: going night festival this friday, meeting shikah, gwen, mei and kei at dhoby 6.30pm.

funny quote for the moment: KEI – science guys are “pure”.

so. fass ppl are corrupted is it?!

pre-graduation

around 8 hours to graduation from nus.

gown ironed by dad. clothes figured out. boots selected. cards with dad. handbag ready. camera deleted photos n charging the batteries.

closure tomorrow.

yet i am unable to sleep. yucky runny nose haiz.

i lay sleeping in your arms.

continuation from previous post: http://www.lukeisback.com/stars/stars/sasha_knox.htm (a must read!)

went to shiraz@ clarke quay for parv’s bday celebrations. food is so-so yet the price is exorbitant. did not particularly enjoy the meal. gave her this version of “lego/bricks” set where you can build structures and then insert a battery, to move the figurines. parv was ok-ok with it, but fatma was excited. ah maybe i should have given fatma that, instead of pottee, am feeling a little guilty because ever since she (it) committed suicide… she solemnly swore not to “rear” any cactus anymore.

i wore my red heels again, i think i am nuts… from 8.30am till 10pm… on the way back, i took them off and walked barefooted through dhoby ghaut. today went to bugis village, little india (ehsan’s army shop).

will continue blogging in a bit, am a little distracted.

k digressing a litte, my personality profil is ENFJ (extraverted, intuitive, feeling and judging) whereas Ehsan’s ISTJ (introverted, sensing, thinking and judging).

and we are like perfect for each other…

porn

I have a gorgeous pink phone. I am going to learn salsa dancing. I am so pretty.

I am feeling feverish without the temperature.

A fleeting butterfly that was rather nice to chase around, but after some time, you grew tired and get distracted by other adventures or just want to chill and relax at some place familiar.

I feel that every feminist or anyone who is either interested or amused at feminism(s) should read this reading, “Dancing on the Mobius Strip: Challenging the Sex War Paradigm” by Bernadette Barton. It is essentially about the experiences of being a stripper – a degrading occupation or an empowering one?

 The researcher found out that it really depends on which “stage” a person may be at – like usually in the earlier stages, women tend to enjoy and feel in control because they are able to make men get excited, spend excessively and praise their bodies… but soon after, they will start to have a crisis of identity… whether their self value is based on how they look physically… they start comparing their bodies with others… and if they do not get enough money for the night and instead get insults and harassment from men, their self-esteem will plunge… a little like a self destructive drug… harms the body emotionally and physiologically as well. Not only strippers but also actors, porn stars and modeling… and others I suppose.

I have posted Sasha Grey’s interviews with Tyra Banks (and other related interviews) in my Facebook. Interesting how she felt that it was really her choice in wanting to be a porn star and she had no doubts about it. She strongly believes that the industry was what that created her to be what she is today – successful and confident… a sense of empowerment… true in the sense that she is right now very successful, the new face/in trend for the market now… so she will talk positively about it… of how it allowed her to discover her own sexuality and express her desires… the money it brings in and the legion of fans she has… but what happens once she is no longer in that position? What happens if she starts experiencing a certain trauma… or realizes the long term implications on her body – unprotected sex, infections from objects she inserts into herself and stretching her vagina walls that they most likely might become scarred and injured and unable to “close” up in the future.

Furthermore, she has become the spoke person for the industry, both a good and bad thing… there is nothing wrong with pornography… it is a legal occupation, one where you can put bread and butter on the table… yet she is no longer a reliable source for women/young girls who are thinking of become a porn star… she will be biased because the industry is paying her to put them in a positive light. I am not siding Tyra Banks either, hers is a commercialized talk show; of course they will have their own agendas.

A vicious cycle though – young girls watch porn, learning a certain sexualized identity… believing that they should look and act like that (mainly for males’ consumption, although females watch them too). They grew up with such a mindset (nothing wrong though but just a rather narrow mindset at that)… they will think that it is okay to get hit by other people, be called degrading names (once again, nothing wrong with that, some people may even find that sexy)… in the sense, they are “liberal” and do not repress their fantasies… yet I hope they will be constantly aware that, with such carefree-ness (I wanted to put shiokness), there will be risks as well… when you freefall, you never know whether the landing’s a safe one or not… when you freefall, do you prefer to enjoy the “high” you are feeling, rather than worrying about the possible undesirable consequences?

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arcee

did a facebook quiz and i got arcee as my transformer… so girl!

weirdos didos

these are what dumb and silly boys do when they are bored – butt rocket

a rather insightful quote from a korean show, slingshot:

men always think that their ex-gfs are never totally over them, which is not true. women do not like to think twice over their breakups.

i am thinking of purple streaks for my hair – i never really went to a salon before because my hair grows so slow, i do not bother to! its all diy self-care… so anyone who has suggestions and wants to go with me, just holler over msn

tots

i am teaching shikah, the wonderful world of KBS channel! hot korean dudes

taught tuition in the morning (slept at 2am the day before!) at my nenek’s house. then went back home to pick up abhie and go together with him for the transformers movie. met up with ehsan, my aunt and other cousins. liked the movie but totally hate the gender discrimination – the stereotypes of women being blondes, helpless and sexual objects. cringes! i will not tell more here, as not to spoil the plot.

was supposed to go for ms dinner. a little reluctant to because i am not very close to them and i cannot be at ease and say horrendously undiplomatic and weird stuff (think sexual stuff). and that i do not fancy seoul garden (went only once in my lifetime).

also i was worrying about my “missing” singtel modem thumbdrive… the little thing will cost me $300 if i lose it! so decided to go home and search for it. took a really long time. opened up all drawers and bags… even checked in the pillow cases! then tada! its under the far end of my queen sized bed (very heavy to move).

was late by then… and i kept on “terpelecuk” (tripped like 5 times) throughout the day… damn those crocs wedges! my ankle is a little sore… i am exhausted, so i decided to stay at home. anyway, felt really bad when liza told me they already paid for my meal – altho i do not really understand why they did (ah well, my fault also – firstly i said i was coming and secondly i told fiza that i was not coming and actually forgot that she, herself is not coming… so i forgot to reply to fatma… hmm i think because me and fiza started to chat about the commencement tickets and the rush here and there day today had been).

ah well, blow bubbles.

sometimes i wonder whether i am a too demanding girlfriend… and that whether i do not practise what i preach. i felt a tad terrible today. maybe am just exhausted. but all is fine, no worries

oh well, at least i am not psychotic… ok going to digress to another topic now…

i think when people break up they should have a total and clear cut break up. yes of course being “friends” is possible, but not easy - you need to be a totally liberated and foolhardy person who do not care about what others’ think to do that. emotional baggage is very troublesome… people need to learn to let go and not look back, at any regrets or what-ifs. being overly sentimental. being unsure of whether you still like the person you have broken up with, is really a tiring thing… a tug of war within the self perhaps?

talking about breaking up, i am agreeing with ben and kei… relationships are supposed to be easy and not become a burden for you. instead of using “breaking up” as a blackmail/excuse, just be more patient in solving your differences and problems… i suppose that is how couples grow stronger and more resilient…

i am so sad. ehsan, don’t leave me for your ranger course i do not want to be alone with smelly secondary school kids

anywayyyy me and ehsan were at cityhall… then coz i terpelecuk-ed so many times and he makes fun of me for being like that… yes i terpelecuk on flat ground, so shuddap! so i told him, let’s exchange shoes. so he wore my crocs wedges all the way to hmv… whilst i carried his shoes… i went barefooted. some people realized, stared and smiled! ah, my darling is so weird yet sooo lovable